That's Sexy!
by KaibasVeryOwnPinaColada
Summary: Seto Kaiba puts on a gameshow, and invites two Harry Potter characters and a YuGiOh! character. Will his show survive? Please R&R! Thankies!
1. Chapter 1

**_That's SEXY_**!

A Harry Potter/ Yu-Gi-Oh Crossover

Inspired by a friend's RPG

Via Sara

Seto Kaiba walked onto a huge stage, his eyes gleaming in the lights of the stage.

"Hello and welcome to the newest, bestest…wait, that isn't a word…erm…GREATEST game show!"

The audience cheered loudly. "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

Kaiba raised an eyebrow. "Jeez, keep your pants on! The contestants aren't even here yet! What if it's someone sexy like…I mean, someone AWFUL like Snape?"

The Snape lovers in the audience cheered, then said, "Wait, did he just say 'someone _awful _like Snape?'"

The rest of the audience nodded. "Indeed."

The Snape lovers in the audience pelted Kaiba with a bunch of two-by-fours. "YOU EVIL BLOODY GIT!"

Kaiba was then nearly chased off the stage. "HEY! I was _kidding_! I SWEAR!" He cleared his throat, then added, "Um, please welcome our first contestant, an annoying, evil, redhead who is actually quite sexy…RON WEASLEY!"

Ron ran out, blowing kisses to the audience! "I LOVE YOU, MOM!"

Ron's mother stood up and proudly said, "That's my boy!"

The Yu-Gi-Oh character rolled his sapphire eyes. "And, now for our next contestant, someone who is cool, prompt, and…uh…my favorite TV character…DRACO MALFOY!"

"Woot!" shouted the Malfoy-shippers in the audience.

Draco stumbled on the stage. "Shit…I forgot to wear my NEW SHOES. THIS SUCKS."

"Indeed," said Kaiba, "but I love you anyway. Now, welcome my co-star, Yuuuuuuuuggggggiiiiii Muuutooooh!"

"BOO!" shouted the whole audience.

Yugi burst into tears. "YOU'RE MEEEEEEAAAAAANNNNNNNN!"

The audience was satisfied. "Indeed we are."

Kaiba was exasperated. "Damn it, Yugi, go over and sit…by that dude." He pointed to Draco.

Draco smirked. "Ew…I don't want him sitting by ME! He might mess up my new shoes!"

"I thought you weren't wearing your new shoes!" protested Kaiba.

"I meant my OTHER new shoes…the hot pink and lime green ones."

Lucius groaned in the audience. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING THAT UP! YOU PROMISED, DRACO!"

Draco grinned brightly. "I lied!"

Kaiba turned to the audience. "We'll be back after a short commercial brake! Or, at least until we figure out what the hell is with Draco and shoes."

Next Chapter: It will be the part you're all waiting for...THE GAMESHOW! YAYSNESS!

--Sara--


	2. Chapter 2

**_That's SEXY_**!

A Harry Potter/ Yu-Gi-Oh Crossover

Chapter 2

Chapter Summary: Draco gets over his shoe fetish (with the help of a psychologist) and Neville blows things up with sodium nitrate. Oh, and Billy the Soundroom dude severly screws up songs.

Disclaimer: No ownership, no money, no legal action. I mean it, too.

"Okay!" cried Seto. "Now, welcome back to my—erm—OUR show! For the information of you who were not watching, we have hired a psychologist who specializes in shoe fetishes."

The audience cheered.

"Now, I'm sorry to disappoint you all, but for this chapter…er…episode of 'That's SEXY!' will not include Draco Malfoy, but Neville. Neville Longbottom, c'mon out!"

Neville trudged out. "My gram says you're not s'posed to be second best!"

Kaiba knelt down beside the bucktoothed child. "Kid, you're only second to Malfoy. And he has a SHOE fetish! Dear God, kiddo! Can't you say anything that doesn't begin with '_my gram says'?_"

"No," said Neville.

Kaiba sighed with exasperation. "Just…just sit over there, okay? Between Yugi and Ron."

"But my gram says…"

The audience grew rowdy. "SHUT UP, YOU…"

They proceeded to call Neville a bunch off British insults, such as 'piss-off' and 'bloody git'.

Neville gasped. "HOW DARE YOU!"

Kaiba gasped. "He's got SODIUM NITRATE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

The audience looked around. "Eh? Who's got sodium nitrate?"

Neville took a rabbit out of a hat and stuffed a block of sodium nitrate in its mouth.

_BOOM!_ It exploded.

The animal lovers in the audience immediately left, muttering something along the line of 'damn kid who doesn't have any compassion for animals besides that bloody toad'.

Kaiba tried to settle everyone down. "Um, now, it's time for…THE GAMESHOW!"

Lights flashed on and off, a beeper beeped, and 'Bye Bye Bye' played over the loud speaker.

The host said, "Ahem. Er, Billy…"

Billy grinned brightly from the peanut gallery, aka the soundroom. "Sorry, just listening to my homeboys!"

Kaiba groaned. "Play…the SONG!"

'Only Hope' played.

"NOT THAT ONE! THIS IS NOT, I REPEAT _NOT _'A WALK TO REMEMBER'! THIS IS A GAMESHOW! THERE WILL BE NO 'ONLY HOPE,' KISSING, DATING…"

Forty-eight minutes later.

"…CRYING, GETTING HELP FROM YOUR DAD BECAUSE YOUR OH-SO-PRECIOUS GIRLFRIEND HAS CANCER."

The audience was stunned.


	3. Chapter 3

_**That's SEXY!**_

A Harry Potter/Yu-Gi-Oh crossover.

Chapter 3

Chapter Summary: They actually get on with the game show. Plus, Neville gets kicked out by Neville Kicker-Outters. Draco returns…fully cured? Or not?

Kaiba looked around at the bewildered audience.

"Erm…oh, dear…" said he helplessly. Kaiba turned around to look at his contestants, who were glancing at each other.

Then a bunch of people in Speedo swimming trunks and bikini thongs and masks stampeded onto the stage, carrying more two-by-fours. One of men in a Speedo spoke in a falsetto voice.

"We are Neville Kicker-Outters. We are here to…um…kick him out! Oh, and we're also here for the free food."

Kaiba blinked and shrugged. But Neville began to sob hysterically.

"No…no…no…my gram is expecting me to make dinner! Please don't take me away…my gram won't ever forgive me! _Please, please, please!"_

But the Neville Kicker-Outters lacked sympathy. One of the women in a bikini thong model-walked over to Neville, and then whacked him upside the head with her two-by-four.

Neville fainted, and fell all over Ron. Ron gave Neville a suggestive look. Neville's grandmother came and punched Ron in the…you know. Draco came out with a smug expression on his face. Neville's gram disappeared. The shoe-fetish psychologist followed Draco onto the stage. The Neville Kicker-Outters drop-kick Neville all the way to…Scotland. Exit the Neville Kicker-Outters.

Kaiba blinked. "Um, Draco, are you cured?"

"Yeah! I have a new obsession!"

The audience leaned forward in their seats, drooling with anticipation.

Kaiba looked at Draco. "And…?"

Draco smiled brightly. "Game shows!"

Kaiba nodded. "All right! Let us begin! All contestants please take your places at the podiums."

So all three contestants skipped over to their podium.

Kaiba strutted over to his pedestal. He whipped out a card, and asked the first question.

"First, what does emc2 mean?"

Then, there was silence.


	4. Chapter 4

_**That's SEXY!**_

A Harry Potter/Yu-Gi-Oh crossover.

Chapter 4

Chapter Summary: When Voldemort appears to spirit Draco away, all chaos breaks loose…or is it chaos? Something to think about.

* * *

Before any of the three contestants had a chance to reply, a shaky, wooden sound from above began to interrupt them all over again.

"Oh, great," Seto Kaiba muttered as an evil looking guy in a loincloth with slitty nostrils and gleaming blood red eyes appeared in a dump truck.

Ron and Yugi ran to a corner and began rocking back and forth, chanting, "Scary…scary…scary…scary…"

The Dark Lord formerly known as Frodo (Yes, it's true, deal with it. He used to be Frodo.) had come into sight at the That's Sexy! Television studio.

"I am the Dark Lord Voldemort! Fear my creepy wrath, as I have come to spirit Draco away from this…um…show of game!"

"You mean this 'game show'?" the picky people in the audience sneakily corrected.

Voldemort glared at the audience. "Uh…sure. Now, where's the sweet, sweet, delectable little boy? Draco? Oh, Dracy, where are you?"

There was no reply.

"Dracy, my dear! You promised!"

"Promised what?" asked a disembodied voice from above.

"God?" whispered Voldemort. "Is…is that you?"

"No."

"Oh, well, then, is that you, Dad? Because, I swear, I'll explain why I…"

"No."

The Dark Lord was immediately truly frightened. "Is…is this the IRS?"

"No, dammit, no! It is I, your sweetheart!"

"Lucius?"

"Close."

"Narcissa?"

"Aw, crap, I honestly don't even know how you got away with stealing that truck! It's _me!"_

Then Voldemort paused. "Oh my GOD! I know exactly who you are! YOU'RE MY CONSCIENCE!"

"NO, IDIOT! IT IS I, DRACO MALFOY!"

"Ah, yes! The one I have come to spirit away! Teeheehee!"

Wormtail emerged from the deathly layers of metal and chrome and whatever else dump trucks are made of. "Mwahaha, sir!"

Voldemort turned and gave Wormtail a 'wtf' look. "Eh?"

Wormtail said, "You said, 'teeheehee'. That sounded pretty girlish. Didn't you mean 'mwahaha'? That's what evil antagonists say."

"No, Wormtail, you've got it all wrong…wait, you're right. Damn. ANYWAY, as I was saying, Draco, I am here to spirit you away from this 'gameshow' or whatever."

"Oi," said Draco. "Just let me get down from here."

The host of 'That's Sexy!' looked up with a look of confusion. "How'd you get up there, anyway?"

"I, uh, used _wingardium leviosa _on myself."

Seto Kaiba believed the outrageous lie instead of the believable truth, which was…well…

ANYWAYS...

"Okay, now, Voldy and Draco, you may attend to your 'business'. The rest of you may answer my question: What does emc2 mean?"

There was some clock-ticking, some snoring, and some nail-filing going on. Finally, _someone _rang a buzzer.

"Um…it's the formula for, uh, energy?" Ron answered tentatively.

"CORRECT!" boomed Kaiba. "Now, for the next question: what is the capital of Bulgaria?"

Billy the Sound Room dude played the 'Jeopardy' theme song.

"No, Billy! I'm pretty sure that song is copyrighted!" the brunette host hissed.

"Oh. Sorry."

Polkamon played.

Instead of thinking about the answer, Ron and Yugi began to dance.

"NEW CONTESTANTS!" Kaiba announced.

* * *

Who will they be? GASP!


End file.
